Saturday, 23 February 2019


Last week we saw a lot of violent action leading to deaths of warriors and terrorists, both in the line of their duties. Feelings of Grief could be experienced by all. In addition, we also saw people asking for revenge. “KHOON KA BADLA KHOON SE LENGE!”(Revenge of the deaths of the fallen heroes will be taken) Sentiments of similar kind were echoed by people of different cities on television channels.
At the same time, some channels were also showing the scene at the Suicide Bomber’s house. His parents and relatives clearly denied of being in touch from past few years. But, the grief was visible here too. They could not shed a tear with pride of having lost their son to a valid cause. Alas! They would not have dreamt of such a death for their son, for sure.
For many mothers in J&K, life is not normal as they struggle between being Half-widows and Full (time) mothers to their sons and daughters. If luckily, fathers or other male relatives are alive, it is still difficult to not take sides if you want to earn your daily livelihood. So the only option left is to send your children away from home or education and then jobs. But this is not the option for all. Due to their nature of work, emotional ties to birthplace or mere ignorance; many Kashmiris are not so keen to migrate to any other state. So, how do you engage your school-going children when the schools are closed down for long duration due to some or the other reasons? You let them go around surfing the internet; lashing out their anger on Face book/Tweeter or YouTube and earning nothing!
Or you have much better options such as to make them:
What is that?
You let them move around in “school uniforms” and resort to (to start with) stone-pelting which gets them paid a decent amount on a daily basis and there is full guarantee of them returning home alive. Because the Indian Armed Forces still respect and restore the Human Rights even in areas of conflict. What is much better than this, send them to get brainwashed in Fundamentalist camps and become SUICIDE BOMBERS. The priests claim this way one would attain complete peace for the whole community. What is more fruitful than being of use to your community and GOD!
Mothers, Fathers, Responsible Parents! Please listen and help to stop this intentional murders and bloodshed through our own children.   History has a lot of examples where the more developed and affluent countries have used slaves or hired soldiers to win their battles in harsh terrains. Outsourcing of armies has been a common feature of wars in the past. With changing times, the variety of soldiers outsourced is also changing. There are recent evidences of using CHILDREN as young as 14 years old as SOLDIERS in areas of conflict. The advantages of doing so is definitely because their productivity is for a longer duration, there are less economic burdens in training and rearing up children as soldiers for short durations. There are less liabilities for the rulers if their soldiers are not their own and as young as 14 years old.

But imagine, what happens to these children IF they survive the conflict? Imagine how they live with a completely stolen childhood! Definitely there will be no will to live in society; neither will the society accept them. And with no social skills will it be easy to learn normal academic skills or get a normal job to do rest of your life? They will definitely be addicted to heavy sedatives, stimulants or drugs. And even if you try to rehabilitate them, the scars of the bloodshed/violence they have experienced will lead to PTSD or Depression or other mental diseases.

Think and tell me: Is it really worth having such SONS WITH GUNS, parents? I am reminded of an old poem describing a mother’s strong resolve to not cry over her beloved’s death in war only because of her love for her young son. But I can’t imagine what would be her feelings on finding out the same young one to grow up to be blown up as a SUICIDE BOMBER for a wasted cause!
I ask all parents of such SONS WITH GUNS: Was this sacrifice worth it?

“Home they brought her warrior dead:
She nor swooned, nor uttered cry:  
All her maidens, watching, said,
 'She must weep or she will die.'…………….

Yet she neither spoke nor moved…………..
Yet she neither moved nor wept.

Rose a nurse of ninety years,
Set his child upon her knee— 
Like summer tempest came her tears—
 'Sweet my child, I live for thee.'”
Alfred Tennyson

Saturday, 16 February 2019

Am I Ugly?

  Come February and we see a lot of Award functions taking place in Hollywood. And Award functions mean introducing new style quotients and attitudes displayed through strong statements in recipients' speeches. One such speech caught my attention from a recent Award ceremony. The rebellious Pop Star PINK told a short conversation she had with her six year old daughter while she was driving her to school. The young lady asked her mother "Am I beautiful?" Obviously, early in the morning, the celebrity mother didn't know where this was coming from. So she asked her what made her ask this question and the young one replied "Everyone says I look like a boy with long hair. I ain't pretty!" 

Pink did not say anything then, but after school, she gave the girl a Power point Presentation about many androgynous artistes and their works, such as Freddy Mercury, Elton John, George Michael, and Lady Gaga and so on. And in the end she also told about herself. She said that often people criticized her too about her not –so –feminine looks and her short boyish hair and clothes. But that did not make her change her appearance, style or attitude. She still continued to be herself and create wonderful music that everyone loved. So what was important was to feel beautiful from inside. One need not change oneself to suit others but one needs to continue being what one believes in. Pink could explain all this to her daughter as she could talk and raise her doubts. But many times, this imitation to please others starts at an early age in children. Children observe their parents and their reactions very closely. Once they understand what kind of behaviour is rewarded with positive reinforcements, they try to repeat the same. Similar is the case with their attitudes. Children’s attitude depends on the parents’ responses in their early lives.

Do physical appearances matter in case of parents’ love and affection towards their children? Or is parental love not affected by the child’s physical features such as complexion, skin types and so on? All of us have heard about the famous story of Akbar and Birbal where the Emperor asks Birbal the question as to who is the most beautiful child in the world and Birbal proves through their tour to the slums of the Agra city that this is the most difficult question to answer as every mother feels her child to be the most beautiful child in the world.

But, honestly speaking, there are always exceptions to all universal rules. So in this case too, many times, parents do feel that their own child is not beautiful, good-looking or presentable. And it is then that the thought is reflected through one’s actions subconsciously in daily encounters with the children. Some parents can’t stop their angst and even compare and appreciate other children in front of their own children for their physical looks/features. Children being great observers pick these hints through their parents’ actions and start feeling low about their physical appearances. At times there can be a rebellious reaction too from the children. Children may want to prove their worth and seek attention of the parents through all kinds of destructive/loud/violent acts.

So, does that mean we as parents keep pampering our children over their looks? Do we keep telling them again and again that they are beautiful? At the cost of making them feel superior to others? No. The first thing that we need to understand although there are certain common milestones of development in children every child is UNIQUE.  No two children can be similar in all respects; while one may be born with immaculate physical features, for the other child you may have to take some efforts to make him/her look good. But in both the cases, it is important that you respect their individuality and their differences. Never compare them and try to make them similar because they are not Robot like machines. Their minds are programmed for thinking and learning differently. Similarly their features are made to look different.

Children will feel comfortable about their physical appearances if you make them feel so. You need to cuddle them, hug them, love them and especially listen to them peacefully whenever you can. Comfortable physical spaces make it easier for children to accept their personalities.  And loving physical actions such as hugging, kissing, patting, handshakes make children feel secure, comforted and loved. You need to think from the perspective of a 3 year old or a 5 year old child for whom YOU are the world. S/he sees your image in every other human being in the world.

So, if you want them to become strong personalities when they grow up, you need to start with making them respect their body and say: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and nothing more.

Saturday, 9 February 2019

LIFE SKILLS : Do you let your baby Cry-it -out OR Cry-In -Arms?

 What do u do when ur baby cries? do u understand n respond differently to real tears or crocodile tears?  Read n share ur experiences...

LIFE SKILLS : Do you let your baby Cry-it -out OR Cry-In -Arms?: Crying and Babies go hand-in –hand. In fact, the very sign of life in a new born baby is supposed to the loud cry. As babies grow into in...

Do you let your baby Cry-it -out OR Cry-In -Arms?

Crying and Babies go hand-in –hand. In fact, the very sign of life in a new born baby is supposed to the loud cry. As babies grow into infants, crying starts to signify their needs such as hunger, thirst, discomfort or so on. So if they need another feed or they are wet and need a nappy/diaper change; they will cry to seek their mother’s attention. Sometimes, when they are left to sleep alone for a long time in the crib and do not feel the warmth of their mother’s body they start crying. As toddlers when they grow up and experience physical pain when they fall down or get hurt they start crying.

Mothers or parents in general apply two kinds of approaches to handle crying in children: the primitive cry-it out approach or the crying-in-arms approach. While the cry-it-out approach has existed predominantly in Western countries, it refers to letting the baby cry-it-out loud for a long time before it settles down. The crying-in –arms approach is considered to be more recent and similar to the attachment approach followed by modern parents. Let’s take a look at both the approaches one by one and the advantages they have.

The term "cry it out" refers to the practice of leaving babies in their cribs without picking them up, and letting them cry themselves to sleep. Babies who are left to cry it out alone may fail to develop a basic sense of trust or an understanding of themselves as a causal agent, possibly leading to feelings of powerlessness, low self-esteem, and chronic anxiety later in life. The cry-it-out approach undermines the very basis of secure attachment, which requires prompt responsiveness and sensitive attunement during the first year after birth.

Parents living in big houses moved cradles and cribs to a separate room. With the infants sleeping alone in another room, it was easy for parents to follow the cry-it-out advice, even if it went against their gut instincts. The decline in breastfeeding further contributed to the separation of mothers and infants. With bottle-feeding from birth on, the last remaining link to the mother's body was removed, resulting in the detached methods of child-rearing that were predominant in Western civilizations during the 20th century.

On the other hand, in the crying-in-arms approach, the first thing parents do when the baby cries is they look for all possible needs. When all immediate needs are filled and the baby is still crying, even though the mother is holding her lovingly in her arms, a helpful response is to continue holding her while trying to relax. They understand that this is not the time to continue searching frantically for one remedy after another to stop the crying. Instead, take your baby to a peaceful room and hold her calmly in a position that is comfortable for both of you. Look into her eyes and talk to her gently and reassuringly while expressing the deep love you have for her. Try to surrender to her need to release stress through crying, and listen respectfully to what she is "telling" you.

Your baby will probably welcome the opportunity to have a good cry. The success of the crying-in-arms approach lies in correctly interpreting your baby's cues. Obviously, you don't want to overlook legitimate needs by assuming that your baby "just needs to have a good cry." For some crying there is no immediate remedy and it is not your fault. Once you begin to view crying in this way, you will learn to read your babies' cues more accurately, to recognize the need for stress-release crying, and to relax when it occurs. This approach can even help prevent child abuse as it always creates a feeling of trust and confidence in each other. It boosts the self-esteem of the child and reduces the feeling of insecurity.

It is important to emphasize that the crying-in-arms approach is totally different from the cry-it-out approach: Your baby is with you at all times, so s/he will not experience any stress from separation. If you feel that you cannot respond compassionately to your baby's crying, try to find someone else to hold him rather than leaving him to cry alone. Your baby will not cry indefinitely. After the crying has run its course, your baby will probably fall asleep peacefully, or become calm and alert.

Parents need not to feel guilty about how others will judge them if they have some crying babies. Because, some crying can mean purely medical symptoms such as crying caused due to allergies or food sensitivities. It is definitely worth checking into all possible causes for crying and searching for remedies. However, if there is no medical reason for the crying, it is likely that your baby simply needs to release stress.

Sunday, 3 February 2019

Revisiting Horrible Acts of Faith

Somebody has rightly said that the Child is the Father of Man. Sometimes, it is our own children who unintentionally help us to overcome our childhood fears and anxieties. It is in their eyes that we can see the love and admiration for our real self. The world of show business has again sparked some controversies because of two such children. Wade Robson and James Safechuck are two such men/fathers who are now in their 30s and alleged that Michael Jackson sexually abused them when they were seven and ten years old, respectively. 

Although in earlier suits, these very men as young boys had testified that the KING of POP was a great friend of theirs and did not sexually abuse them. So what happened suddenly that made them go against their own old statements? Probably, it was the very look in the eyes of their own sons that made them realize that they needed to connect with other parents and children who would have gone through similar horrifying experiences and would have felt  “ISOLATED” and shut off from the world.

What is all this about?

They describe, in abundantly articulate and deeply emotional detail, how the abuse took place within the context of what appeared (to them) to be a relationship of hypnotic warmth and trust.” – as quoted by Variety magazine

Recently, Director Dan Reed made a four –hour long documentary titled Leaving Neverland depicting the interviews he took with two boys namely, Wade Robson and James Safechuck who alleged that they were sexually abused by the King of Pop when they were seven and ten years old; with their parents knowledge. One cannot actually say it that plainly because the parents as well as the children were actually in awe of the mystical warmth and affection showered on them by the celebrity. It must have taken them many years and a lot of courage revisiting Horrible acts of faith from their childhood and distinguish between acts of good faith and acts of perversion.The documentary will be aired this spring on HBO and Channel Four in Great Britain. It has been shown in some Film Festivals too. 

As the Director of the documentary clearly states “If there's anything we've learned during this time in our history, it's that sexual abuse is complicated, and survivors' voices need to be listened to. It took great courage for these two men to tell their stories and I have no question about their validity. I believe anyone who watches this film will see and feel the emotional toll on the men and their families and will appreciate the strength it takes to confront long-held secrets."

Are these TRUE LIES?

Michael Jackson, who died on June 25, 2009, faced multiple allegations of child sex abuse during his lifetime. Robson testified during the singer’s famous 2005 trials that Jackson never molested him but claims in Leaving Neverland he only did so because he was scared of what would happen if he told the truth. Safechuck gave similar evidence to police investigators when he was a boy but did not testify at the 2005 trial. In addition to his 2005 acquittal the performer paid a US$15 million court settlement in 1994 over allegations involving another child. Still the man was and still is worshiped as the King of Pop.

What might have made the children realize the truth of their relationship with the KING could have been the differential treatment they got after the birth of his own children. It must have taken them a lot of effort to realize that they were mere sex toys for the KING. Michael used their hobbies and interests to lure them into doing all kinds of sexual activities with him. It all started with hugging, fondling and went on to watching porn videos together. These so-called young friends /lovers were then subjected to mutual oral/anal masturbation.


As is common in most sexual abuse cases, Michael kept the secrecy with the same old pretext that if anyone of them shared their secret acts of pleasure with the outsiders, then they would both get hurt. He would have secret hiding places inside his house and commonly used rooms where he would go on to sexually play with his “young lovers’ while there were other parents/guests around. One allegation is that Jackson bought boys jewellery “in exchange for sex acts”. One of the boys claims in the documentary that because Jackson knew his love for diamonds he gifted him a golden ring with diamonds studded in it as part of a mock marriage ceremony that they had on the Ranch. 
A true Satan playing on the temptations of young ones.

What fans of Michael Jackson and his family members have failed to understand about this documentary is that it is not at all about Michael or tarnishing his image or doing some gold-digging from the family. Instead it is an attempt to BREAK THE SILENCE surrounding a child sexual abuse case. 

The perpetrator is dead. 
The victims have grown up and have moved on in their lives. 
It is their will to raise awareness about the perversion and:
 Let the survivors of sexual abuse know that they are not isolated.